A Torch

“If you survey history, you’ll find many people who engaged in missions that they probably would have preferred to avoid altogether, but they were swept up and became obsessed with solving a problem they were uniquely equipped to tackle. They may have even been reluctant to engaged, but they resolved to act. Over time, this obsession with the problem translated to passion, or a willingness to suffer on behalf of their work. In other words, passion followed action, not the other way around,” said Todd Henry.

If I look at my life history from a distance, self-expression through creativity has been at the forefront of what fires me up (from drawing, painting, skateboarding, clothing, being a fan of music, playing music, documenting, and ultimately making music videos). Along with that came a set of side hobbies or passions to help fuel that creative fire even more (reading, meditating, and travel). And with time I was able to cultivate a body of work (and still growing) that stemmed from a creative vision that took years of trial-and-error to finally get to. Ironically, if someone were to ask me what that vision was, I think that explanation would still be incomplete or unorganized to an extent. The vision is essentially a balance of the ‘micro’ and the ‘macro.’

The micro is the actual toil, effort, exertion, or the process. Those days of waking up less motivated and inspired than before, yet still trying my best to grind it out with forced deliberate practice (hoping the momentum of taking action would ultimately carry me through the struggle). Some days, it’s a pleasure. But it’s never consistent nor predictable. The macro is ‘The Why.’ The Why explains my core. The Why is the long arc. The bigger picture. An obsession. It keeps me busy. Yet The Why changes. It tweaks with time. It never stays still. It only understands exploration. It promises completion, but I know it’s lying.

The balance of the micro/macro becomes a dance. It’s a dance that gets better with practice and time, however it likes to test me. It tests my strengths by pointing out my weaknesses and failures. And the only way to combat those tests is to embrace it all. It’s the only way for the dance to sustain, and ultimately progress to the next level.

So what’s the purpose of this blog? Well, it’s a bit unclear at the moment. But I believe this blog will reveal its true purpose more and more with time. Until that time comes, the purpose of this blog will serve as a flame, if you will. A torch. Guiding the micro/macro through the darkness. The black cave. The uncertain path. Hoping to reach the distant light at the end. Although, only to discover that the light at the supposed end was just a sconce holding another burning torch, highlighting an entrance into yet another dark cave. -Jack

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